i dOn't wAnna feEl this way forEver . . .

i love you so fucking much it hurts . . .

2005-04-05T19:46:52Z

happy sweet sixteen jessica *pixie* martinez. i miss you beyond what words can explain. i hope you're happier wherever you are and we'll never forget you. i'll see you again some day. <3333333333

shattrdxdreams @ 2005-03-01T21:19:00

2005-03-02T02:19:46Z

been grounded for a week lol. but tomorrow it's overrrr! yayyyy <3333

shattrdxdreams @ 2005-01-31T18:03:00

2005-01-31T23:16:59Z

blahhh. re-cap of the weekend kiddos.

friday:
um. what did i do friday? lol. ah yes. friday i hung out with kim and trish <3. we went to the mall and met up with brian and john. it was brian's 17th birthday and he got his license! hung out with them for about a 1/2 hour and then they told us to meet them at their house after we left the mall. so we walked around through the mall until about 9:30 and then we left to go to john's/brian's house. when we got there kim called them up and told us that we couldn't hang out anymore, and we thought that was pretty gay. me, brian + john got in a HUGE fight around then and we just left. i was SOOO mad!!! you don't understand. the rest of the night was just so0o bad for me. so we decided to stop over at kim's friend, dan's, house. we hung out there for about 45 minutes and then decided to jet home. dropped trish off and then me and kim went back to her house. i spent the night. talked to john for a little bit and i completely hate him. didn't really get to talk to brian. the baby kept waking me up all night, but it's all good because she's such a cutie.

saturday:
kim drove me home around 8:30 because she had to go to work. that was my day to spend home and relax. i've been out every single day this week and i needed a day home. got in the shower, cleaned my room hardcore, and fell asleep. woke up to the ringing of my cell phone. who could it be? brian. what an ass. i hated him so0o much at that time and i couldn't stand to talk to him. i told him i didn't want to talk and i hung up. he called back about 5 more times but i just flipped open my phone and closed it quickly each time. the phone calls stopped. thank God. went back to sleep. woke up again and just watched t.v., talked to friends, and laid around lol.

sunday:
woke up got in the shower and got ready. guess who called again. yep, brian. kept telling him i didn't want to talk and kept hanging up on him. of course he had to keep calling back. dave came and picked me up and then brian called me again while i was at dave's house. i finally just realized that if i keep hanging up and not talking to him, he'd just keep calling back. so i talked to him. we sorted everything out and he apologized for the other night. so me and brian are friends again and i'm pretty happy about that <333. dave drove me to tara's house and i hung out there for about 2 hours. nancy called me up and she was with kim. i was supposed to go to the movies with tara and bob at 10:40 and it was only 6:00. so nancy asked me if she wanted them to come pick me up so i said ok and i told tara i'd be back at 10ish. went to wal-mart lol. met up with some friends there while they went to get gas. i got sick later that night :( it sucked. oh well. tara and bob and dave didn't believe that i was really sick and thought i was just looking for an excuse to not go to the movies with them that night. if i didn't want to go to the movies with them why would i be the one to think of it? yeah. got home around midnight, went to sleep.

today:
today i had a doctor's appointment at 3:30. i picked brian's playstation2 up from kim's house and now it's just laying on my bed until i see him later tonight and give it to him. sat around a lot today and listened to music. at 8:00 when dave gets out of work, he's gonna come pick me up and we're gonna go over to howell and see brian. brian said he'd call me at 8:00 to figure everything out. now i'm just writing in this thing to have time pass because i'm really bored. no one comments bitches! lol .. well, that's my weekend. new classes tomorrow. joy. peace!

wowzapalooza? idk lol.

2005-01-20T04:15:27Z

talking to some cooool ass people. not really. well .. kinda. i can't make up my mind? idk .. so0o bored. i think i'm gonna go to sleep. but, you should take this quiz that i stole from aj's livejournal. check it outttttt. peace out jiggas.

what would you do if....

I said I liked you?
I kissed you?
I lived next door to you?
I felt lonley?
I was sick?
I fell for you?
We got in a fight?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
Personality?
Eyes?
Face?
Hair?
Clothes?
Mannerisms?
Family?
Sense of Humor?

WOULD YOU:
Be my friend?
Have sex with me?
Lie to make me feel better?
Spread rumors about me?
Keep a secret if I told you one?
Hold my hand?
Take a bullet for me?
Keep in touch?
Try and solve my problems?
Love me?
Date me?

put an x in the () for each you would do for me.
then reply to this post

() go out with me?
() give me your number?
() have sex with me?
() let me kiss you?
() watch a movie with me...even a really sappy one?
() let me take you out to dinner?
() take a shower with me?
() be my bf/gf?
() have a fling with me?
() Listen to me if I called you crying even if you were out with all of your friends?
() buy me a drink like a sobe or soda?
() take me home for the night?
() Would you let me sleep in your bed?
() Sing car kareoke w/ me?
() sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
() re-post this for me to answer your questions?
() Let me give you a piggyback ride?
() Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
() Will you ask me to be your valentine ?

shattrdxdreams @ 2005-01-16T18:39:00

2005-01-16T23:47:05Z

hanging out with keisha. she's talking about some very disturbing things. yeah. she sucks. literally. LOL. yeah it'd be more funny if you knew the exact details but i'm not getting into that. hmm .. yeahh. bye.

shattrdxdreams @ 2005-01-14T15:29:00

2005-01-14T20:31:29Z

i'm at marissa's. we are cool. i got new pictures on my my myspace. check them out. oh snapizzle we're gonna have mucho fun tonight. peace out cuties! <33 comment please?

now that she's over denial she can start getting help

2005-01-14T00:44:48Z

xcrzyQT86x: i am selfish and i only care about myself

damn fucking right. i'm glad you can admit that now. and since you can go and run your mouth keisha, i can too.

bOred

2005-01-13T23:37:35Z

got bored so i redid the layout for my lj. comment and tell me what you think! 4 1/2 months til i get my license .. jeez i can't wait. everyone's getting theirs! lol. tomorrow i'm sleeping at missie's house <3 and then on saturday and sunday i'll be in new york with my mom to see some family. my brother's starting to feel better, so0o that's definately good <33. anyways...i'm gonna go do something.

don't forget to comment!

wow..this is the first fight i got in that i wasn't angry but laughing the whole time lmao

2005-01-13T00:27:38Z

xLustT0Dustx (7:16:44 PM): yeah u can ive read ur shit befoer its good as hell
x skylitxeyez x (7:18:03 PM): when?
xLustT0Dustx (7:18:34 PM): idk awhile ago
xLustT0Dustx (7:18:37 PM): i think itw as u lol
x skylitxeyez x (7:19:14 PM): lol ok
x skylitxeyez x (7:19:30 PM): i like the quotes now that are in my pro
x skylitxeyez x (7:19:37 PM): they fit my life right now so perfectly
xLustT0Dustx (7:19:39 PM): ill look
x skylitxeyez x (7:19:40 PM): and it's all thursday!
xLustT0Dustx (7:19:47 PM): heh
xLustT0Dustx (7:19:50 PM): emo lol
xLustT0Dustx (7:19:57 PM): my pro is boring
x skylitxeyez x (7:20:10 PM): what's emo?
x skylitxeyez x (7:20:11 PM): my pro?
x skylitxeyez x (7:20:12 PM): lol
xLustT0Dustx (7:20:13 PM): ur pro lopl
xLustT0Dustx (7:20:17 PM): hell yeah
xLustT0Dustx (7:20:20 PM): I DONT LOVE ANYONE
x skylitxeyez x (7:20:21 PM): it is NOT emo
xLustT0Dustx (7:20:22 PM): FUCK THE WORLD
xLustT0Dustx (7:20:23 PM): lol
x skylitxeyez x (7:20:26 PM): it doesn't say that lol
xLustT0Dustx (7:20:32 PM): its my interpretation
xLustT0Dustx (7:20:35 PM): lol
x skylitxeyez x (7:20:36 PM): it says "i'm letting go of everything i once loved"
xLustT0Dustx (7:20:42 PM): EMO
x skylitxeyez x (7:20:43 PM): liek i'm giving up cuz nothing's worth it anymore
x skylitxeyez x (7:20:48 PM): YOUR PROFILE IS EMO
xLustT0Dustx (7:20:49 PM): aand thats not emo lol
xLustT0Dustx (7:20:52 PM): no it isnt lol
x skylitxeyez x (7:20:55 PM): yes it is
x skylitxeyez x (7:20:59 PM): oh boo hoo you cry go die
x skylitxeyez x (7:20:59 PM): lol
xLustT0Dustx (7:21:05 PM): u cried like an angel falling out of faitj
x skylitxeyez x (7:21:16 PM): yeah you cry boo hoo that's what emo kids do
x skylitxeyez x (7:21:16 PM): lol
xLustT0Dustx (7:21:19 PM): itsa him song ass
x skylitxeyez x (7:21:23 PM): well he's emo!
x skylitxeyez x (7:21:23 PM): lol
xLustT0Dustx (7:21:26 PM): NO HE ISNT
xLustT0Dustx (7:21:31 PM): hes morbid theres a difference
x skylitxeyez x (7:21:32 PM): if you think about it .. he really is
x skylitxeyez x (7:21:32 PM): lol
x skylitxeyez x (7:21:37 PM): LOL HE IS NOT MORBID!
xLustT0Dustx (7:21:39 PM): even ash sed iyt
xLustT0Dustx (7:21:43 PM): yes he is
x skylitxeyez x (7:21:45 PM): morbid is fuckin danny filth
xLustT0Dustx (7:21:48 PM): hes morbid goth rock
xLustT0Dustx (7:21:51 PM): SHUT UP u dont kno lol
x skylitxeyez x (7:21:52 PM): GOTH ROCK!??!
x skylitxeyez x (7:21:54 PM): LMAO
x skylitxeyez x (7:21:59 PM): he is NOT goth ..
xLustT0Dustx (7:22:00 PM): thats what hes classified un der asshole
xLustT0Dustx (7:22:01 PM): lol
xLustT0Dustx (7:22:09 PM): love METAL
xLustT0Dustx (7:22:14 PM): asswipe lol
x skylitxeyez x (7:22:16 PM): but it't not metal!
x skylitxeyez x (7:22:23 PM): i never understood why he calls it that
xLustT0Dustx (7:22:25 PM): itsa form of it
x skylitxeyez x (7:22:30 PM): i think he's just afraid of admitting he's emo
xLustT0Dustx (7:22:32 PM): just shut up lol this is gettin us nowhere
x skylitxeyez x (7:22:35 PM): cuz he talks about love and death ok
x skylitxeyez x (7:22:36 PM): EMO
xLustT0Dustx (7:22:38 PM): no he definitly isnt
x skylitxeyez x (7:22:41 PM): he raelly is!
x skylitxeyez x (7:22:43 PM): EVERY BAND IS EMO
xLustT0Dustx (7:22:43 PM): NO
xLustT0Dustx (7:22:44 PM): lol
xLustT0Dustx (7:22:46 PM): NOT TRUE
xLustT0Dustx (7:22:47 PM): lol
x skylitxeyez x (7:22:51 PM): otherwise they wouldn't be able to come up with MUSIC
x skylitxeyez x (7:22:52 PM): lol
xLustT0Dustx (7:23:01 PM): lol shut up damnit hes not emo
x skylitxeyez x (7:23:04 PM): it's all about emotion
x skylitxeyez x (7:23:07 PM): yeah he is
xLustT0Dustx (7:23:11 PM): NO
xLustT0Dustx (7:23:13 PM): i likr rmo
xLustT0Dustx (7:23:16 PM): i like emo and all
xLustT0Dustx (7:23:17 PM): but he isnt.
x skylitxeyez x (7:23:18 PM): WELL I AM NOT EMO

shattrdxdreams @ 2005-01-06T17:37:00

2005-01-06T22:38:28Z

me and geoff rickly need to get it on

ahahah that's awesome. i fucking love thursday lmao.

ehh i got bored...

2004-12-31T04:17:46Z

you're indie!

i was bored gimme a break :P

comment bitches no one ever doessssssss!

roar

2004-12-04T20:52:01Z

just got outta the shower. going to marissa's house to party tonight! whoop whoop! shit's gonna be maddddd fun ahahaha. yesterday so0o much drama went on it was NOT funny omg. but i'm just so0o fucking amazing that i saved their fucking lives. who's good? yeah...i am. haha. anyways i gotta go get ready and shizzle. <333

no one comments anymore :( no one loves me.

shattrdxdreams @ 2004-11-28T13:46:00

2004-11-28T18:48:57Z

hung out with marissa all weekend. we went to the mall and then met up with brian and john on friday. then saturday we chilled again and then sat. night i went to dave's with kim, bob, and tara and had fun there. today is boring. haha i think i might put up the xmas tree. oh yeahhhh i got my phone back finnnnnnnnally!!!!! call me bitches haha. 732-687-4696 .....yeah

28 dayssssssssss :-D

fuck mmmmmmmy life.

2004-11-26T03:26:12Z

i know it doesn't seem like it. i hide my feelings like magic. but really i'm suffering. yes, i'm crying. i feel like there's nothing to live for. i feel like i have nothing in this world. all i want is to be happy, but i still lay here depressed and hurting. :o(

fuck my life, seriously.

Jessica Martinez....aka Pixie....

2004-11-09T23:10:37Z

R.I.P. Pixie <333 ilu* 11-08-04

you were such a kickass girl. none of us will EVER forget you.

it's funny and scary how things like this happen. and to the best of people. it's not fair. she was such a great girl and i'm gonna miss the times we had when we hung out. the last thing she ever said to me was "anne marie i fucking love you..." and a hug...and that's always gonna stick in my mind. i went to the memorial today. it was so upsetting. i mean, how could this happen? she was such an amazing, pretty, outgoing girl...and it was all taken withing hours. i wish i could turn back time so badly. but everything happens for a reason....love ya pix. <3

shattrdxdreams @ 2004-10-10T11:08:00

2004-10-10T18:11:39Z

hey there. i'm going to great adventure around 5:00 with keisha :-D .. i haven't been there in so long man. shit, that kid that i met at work...lmao..he's selling these videos to people. he gave me one for free...that shit is pretty funny. it's kinda like jackass except it's with him and his friends. i liked it hahaha. if you wanna see it lemme know lol i'll let ya borrow it. keisha was like "i wanna see it!!!!" i'm pretty bored right now. idk i'll ttyl. <3

*i don't care if you don't like who i hang out with it. you're not gonna stop me ;-D *

shattrdxdreams @ 2004-10-09T18:36:00

2004-10-10T01:36:44Z

oh man. such a sweet-ass time at work :-D mwhahaha.

*i want you to know i love the way you laugh*

shattrdxdreams @ 2004-10-08T19:22:00

2004-10-09T02:23:55Z

RIP bill. ilu*

* God saw you getting tired..And a cure was not to be`
So he put his arms around you And whispered "come to me"
With tearful eyes we watched you pass away,
And although we loved you dearly, We could not make you stay..
A golden heart stopped beating, Hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us.. He only takes the best *

shattrdxdreams @ 2004-10-08T14:20:00

2004-10-08T18:21:05Z

going out

shattrdxdreams @ 2004-10-08T03:51:00

2004-10-08T10:52:47Z

god i'm really starting to hate everything. my mom wants to move...well i'm not fucking moving. so much fucking shit happens in my life and i can't TAKE IT ANYMORE. and fyi ... the moving part isn't the bad shit. but you guys probably don't care.

shattrdxdreams @ 2004-10-07T18:09:00

2004-10-08T01:12:27Z

MIKE LAPP THIS IS FOR YOU

FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU! i can't even call you my brother anymore because of ALL the shit you put me through tonight. i would NEVERRRRRR do that to you cuz i USED to love you and wouldn't wanna hurt you the way you hurt me tonight. because of you i lost HALF of my fucking friends. i don't even know what to say to you that would give you even the slightest insight of WHAT KIND OF FUCKING PAIN you put me through tonight. FUCK YOU AND FUCKING DIE.

i hate you so fucking much and want to see you in your GRAVE. FUCK YOU.

yeah and for all you people reading this. go on...think that i'm fucked up and out of my mind. do it. i don't give a fuck anymore. when you go through my pain from my so called brother...THEN you will see.

why am i so patheric?

2004-10-07T02:55:31Z

God I'm pathetic. I really am. I met some guy tonight, and wow...he's SO completely gorgeous. He's amazing. He's SO nice, funny, cute...everything. I met him on my break, and when I went inside into the back room, I was completely blown away. I was like speechless for about five minutes. I was just sitting there like WHOA. I've never reacted that way over a guy before! NEVER! Everything was going fine, well, almost fine. With guys anyways. I didn't have any crushes, like anyone. Guys were not stressing me like usual. And now this. I have no chance with him. Supposedly he was hanging out with some hot chick tonight, lucky her. He probably deserves her more than me anyways, she's probably beautiful and everything that he wants. Any girl is better than me, right? I don't know man. But I do know that I'm really bummed out about this for some reason.

Guys, I need your help. Comment please and tell me what you think i should do! Please, and be as honest and blunt as you want.

shattrdxdreams @ 2004-10-01T14:33:00

2004-10-01T18:33:31Z

:-( no one ever comments anymore ... i feel so unloved lol.

real fucked up :-\ idk what the hell is going on . . .

2004-09-29T02:36:05Z

you ever get sad and depressed for no reason at all? well that's the way i feel right now, except i've been feeling it a lot lately. something's gotta be wrong with me. sorry guys, but i'm starting to hate my friends. well..not hate..but .. i'm getting really weird with them. i don't know what it is dude. i'm getting real annoyed with everyhitng, and everything is bothering me. i feel like my friends are starting to block me out like they're not really my friends. i feel like everything is fake all around me. like i'm just suffocating in my own little world and no one hears my cries for help. i'm alone. i always will be too i guess. :-\

fun fun fun

2004-09-22T02:08:44Z

hmm got home from school. then got picked up and went over to the hawthorne heights show. they did pretty damn good if you ask me. i was up on the stage for their one song and i was upfront the rest of the set. then went over to snyder's to watch edward scissor hands with him and leah. brian hartigan has a special present for me on thursday!!!!!!! lmao yay. ahh ok ... i am so0o0o tired. and i'm getting sick :-( booo. good night lovers!!

<333333